4:00. All’s quiet on the homefront. My wife never noticed my somewhat silent get-away (or the thud of my toe hitting the bed post). The yellow glow from the hallway nightlight beckons me to explore so I do. Behind door #1, the dog is sprawled out on my youngest son’s bed – or is it that my youngest son is actually just sprawled out on the dog’s bed? Some nights I can’t tell. Door #2 reveals what it usually does, that my eldest sleeps in Fort Knox. He’d never know if a burglar arrived at our house. At the end of the hallway, door #3 is open… music escapes from my middle son’s room. I look through his door… one leg hanging over his bed… arm flung over his head…about par for the course. I shake my head and smile.
It’s currently 59 degrees outside. The windows are open. The cool wafts across the floor. Perhaps autumn will make it here after all.
Night is a two-edged sword for me. Sometimes I resonate with Job who admitted, “nights of misery are apportioned to me.” (7:3) It is a miserable thing to awake and find that my subconscious mind has been at work berating me, bludgeoning me with a mixture of truth and lies. “You are 41, unemployed, and will never find another job! God won’t take care of you – you have to take care of yourself. Do you really think God knows what is going on in your life? Now get out there and take care of yourself and your family. Make it happen!” I try to will myself back to sleep but it is too late. In my less than lucid state, I hear what sounds like knocking, only to figure out that the adrenaline has kicked in and it’s just my heart pounding! So, I get up and take a walk through the house. “The Voice” follows me around. So does life’s pressures. I find myself crying out to God to put it all back into perspective for me. I need a Savior.
SOMETIMES though, most times – I enjoy the lonely times of night. I don’t enjoy missing sleep… I know that around 2:00 in the afternoon my eyelids will feel like they have 20 pound weights attached to them! I do enjoy the tranquility though. The quiet. The companionship.
Sometimes I feel as if deep is calling to deep – I ponder.
Sometimes I have a conversation with a Friend – I share.
Sometimes I hear nothing – I wait.
Sometimes I go outside and hear the declaration of God’s glory – I marvel.
I have no set routine. I just know when I’m up like this – God has something for me.
The Psalmist said in Psalm 42.8: “By day the Lord commands his steadfast love, and at night his song is with me.” I know that just as I sang over my boys when they were babies, God sings over me. Sometimes the night is the only time I can hear Him singing. It may not be convenient, but it sure is beautiful.
Sentinel Court 